Self Preservation

So the events of the past few weeks culminating last night made it quite clear to me that I cannot have feelings towards a certain individual in my life. He has been in my atmosphere for a while and I have done well to keep up a "whatever" kind of attitude. But now something is different...I'm starting to care. When emotions evolve and become a deterrent from my focus and ability to be happy I think it is time to take a step back. I do not want to start that endless cycle of feelings that starts with happiness then turns to hurt and then back again. That cycle is a destructive one that I know well. Thus far in my life, I have realized that feelings are rarely ever mutual. So now I am going to attempt to begin my self preservation by avoiding contact with this particular person. I'm not sure how well this will work but I honestly think that cutting myself off emotionally may be difficult now, but may help me be better off later. Here's to wishful thinking...

So now the song that I have on repeat (yes this is my catharsis) is Paramore's "When it Rains"

And when it rains,

On this side of town it touches, everything.

Just say it again and mean it.

We don't miss a thing.

You made yourself a bed

At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)

And convinced yourself that

It's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore

And oh, oh, how could you do it?

Oh I, I never saw it coming.

Oh, oh, I need the ending.

So why can't you stay

Just long enough to explain?

And when it rains,

Will you always find an escape?

Just running away,

From all of the ones who love you,

From everything.

You made yourself a bed

At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)

And you'll sleep 'til May

And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore

And oh, oh, how could you do it?

Oh I, I never saw it coming.

And oh, oh, I need the ending.

So why can't you stay just long enough to explain?

Take your time.

Take my time.

Take these chances to turn it around. (take your time)

Take these chances, we'll make it somehow

And take these chances to turn it around. (take my...)

Just turn it around.

Oh, how could you do it?

Oh I, I never saw it coming.

Oh, oh, how could you do it?

Oh I, I never saw it coming.

Oh, oh, how could you do it?

Oh I, I never saw it coming.

Oh, oh I need an ending.

So why can't you stay

Just long enough to explain?

You can take your time, take my time.